Consistently Inconsistent
When I was a kid, I played a lot of baseball. From the time I could walk until I graduated high school, I played on one team or another. One of my memories includes a specific umpire that handled our games for several years. I cannot recall his name, though I can picture his face.
This specific umpire was known for his style, both for his interactions with people and for the way he called the game. He was consistently inconsistent.
What I mean by this is that he had a different approach to the strike zone every time he umpired. One game it would be inside the black and at your ribs; another, it might be at the top of the letters on your jersey and an inch off the plate. As a player, you could anticipate that the strike zone was going to change, sometimes throughout the game. This was not a fun thing to deal with; the very idea of this umpire caused angst amongst even the best players (let alone me, batting .185) because hitters nor pitchers knew what to expect.
Recently, I have been reflecting on my content creation journey. From starting a podcast in 2020, to starting this blog in 2023, to starting my TikTok earlier this year, I have been consistently inconsistent. The podcast received great feedback, but we blamed life for taking us a different direction. The blog was a fun outlet with some fun reads for me to look back upon personally, but has not been a steady part of my life. My TikTok has grown to a couple thousand followers, but recently I have not put it as a priority and even took a break during the recent holiday season.
There are a lot of areas in life that I am consistent and reliable: you know what you can expect. You can expect me to balk at the idea of a car payment. You can expect me to have unread texts for days, but I will answer or return a phone call quickly. You can expect me to talk about the Lord and my family and possibly what I am reading currently. You can expect me to be late, but when I am there you can expect me to be engaged with you beyond small talk.
You can expect me to start creating something and not see it through after some time. My creation journey has been consistently inconsistent.
And I am disappointed.
I enjoy creating content, both video and writing. It brings me joy to see the impact that it has on people from time to time. The messages I have received on this blog and on my TikToks have been encouraging as people have invited me into their life experiences. This is not about that.
This is actually about the disappointment that comes from failing my own expectations. More honestly, this disappointment is also tied to my idea of how others might perceive me. Arrogantly, I do not want others to see an area of my shortcomings, but my consistent inconsistency in content creation is a public display of a personal failure.
As I reflected on this, a few things helped me settle this in my heart.
I need to redefine success and failure. Consider how many have been encouraged and challenge by my inconsistent efforts, and be encouraged that I can even have a small impact on someone’s life.
I need to stop worrying about what others might think. This is a piece of wisdom that I regularly return to.
Control what I can, and start again. If it brings me joy to create content and it is having a positive impact on others, then I should do so despite what I think others might think.
Perhaps one of those nuggest applies to you as well. Be encouraged today, even if you have had a recent string of failures or dropped balls. Tomorrow is a new day where things can begin again. Chase what you want to chase, and go be great!