I remember when a friend of mine called me for some advice. He wanted to ask my opinion on him leasing a new car. He likes to hear my opinion on things because, one, he trusts me and, two, he knows we can disagree without feeling judged. I am not always right, but we have some good conversation. Sometimes he takes my advice; other times he goes ahead and makes a mistake.
In reference to the lease, he already knew what my thoughts would be. Realistically, leasing a vehicle is not your most financially efficient option. Strictly by the numbers financially speaking, leasing is not the guaranteed winner.
His response was surprising, yet also clarifying. He said that for him, he also wanted a nice car. He said that he is not like me in that he is okay driving a beater vehicle that he has to work on.
He is allowed to desire a nice vehicle. And I am allowed to disagree with him.
What I challenged him with is this: you need to determine what you value and make a decision based on that.
This is not about the lease; this is about values.
Your values determine your decisions.
Each dollar you spend is based on what you value; each choice you make is based on your values, either in your life or in that moment. Whether it is deciding to get a lease because you like a reliable car that is new without having to worry about the maintenance, or it is the choice to buy a new book on amazon for $18, or it is the choice to by another Mountain Dew at the gas station on the way home.
That decision is informed by your value system.
The choice of finances is just a small picture of your value system.
When you spend a dollar, you are saying that something is important to you. And when you zoom out, you are actually saying that is more important to you than something else
This is where people start to get offended, but really this is not offensive yet.
Just think about it. Your choice to buy that $18 book means you are not putting that $18 towards something else. Say you do not think that deeply into your spending; you are saying that financial efficiency is not a top value. And by choosing to buy the book in the first place, you are saying you value wisdom or education or development or entertainment.
Some people say I am overthinking, but I think this is a picture of intentional living.
If we do not do things on purpose, we are going to do them accidentally!
Everyone has a value system, whether intentionally constructed or accidentally developed, and it informs your choices. That is undeniable. Offense arrives when one value system disagrees with and potentially imposes itself on another, and one or both of those value systems are insecure or in direct opposition.
You either feel settled in your choices, or you adjust your value system.
I am so settled in my choice to be exhaustively financially efficient that it does not offend me when people say I need to loosen up. For their values, sure maybe I need to loosen up. But for me, that is not true. Truthfully, I think I can always be more financially efficient. But family and faith are my top two priorities, so I sacrifice financial efficiency for the sake of my family and my faith. I choose to spend a little extra to celebrate occasions with my wife because it is good for my family, even though it might be more frugal to invest that money.
I know my family is a priority for me; my choices will reflect that.
So I am settled in my choice to put some money towards my relationship with my wife.
Your values cannot co-pilot.
In each decision you make, a top value drives the decision. The values can work together to inform a decision, but ultimately a singular value will inform the final decision.
This is most clear when the values are competing, such as someone who values service to others and values materialism. That person chooses to buy that nice, new car? They sacrificed the opportunity to serve someone else with that money. They chose to serve someone else with that money instead? Then they sacrificed the nice, new car.
It is more muddy when the values are not inherently competing, but they require a choice. Think of someone who values working hard and values family. He has to consistently make choices about his time and money. He shows up to support his son at his baseball game, but he had to leave work early to do so. He works hard to support his family, so he stays at work and misses the game.
Either way, he sacrificed something.
Your value system is like a vehicle full of passengers. Each passenger is a different influence in the direction of the car. While everyone has an opinion on where to turn or how fast to drive, and some passengers are bickering in the backseat, there is ultimately only one driver.
Each decision has a driver, and overall in life your values will display a pattern of who is driving.
People of great wisdom intentionally develop, critique, and improve their value system.
Some people have this value system in place but have never even acknowledged it. When this happens, we default to putting a high value on how we feel about certain things, and that informs our choices. But any person of wisdom asks “why?”, and they work to make less and less decisions based on a momentary feeling.
Why do I want to buy this book? Why do I want to lease this car? Why do I want to buy another Mountain Dew?
When a person does this over and over, unfolding each “why” to understand the layers of influence, then they can develop and critique and improve their value system. Every person of wisdom in my life has done this to some degree. They can answer “why” for their decisions, especially their spending. Because. Where you spend your money is one of the clearest pictures of your value system.
Your value system is dictating your decisions, and your decisions are thus indicative of your value system.